1) Drink Slowly
2) Allow for 6 hours’ living hell for each drink beyond your first two.
If these precautions are observed, there is no reason why you and salmiakki vodka cannot enjoy a long and happy partnership.
How to handle Fisherman’s Friend vodka:
1) With tongs
2) In a fume cupboard

The birthday boy, and the birthday boy’s girlfriend’s dad some bloke:
“I fucking love you!”
“Did you just say what I thought you said?”
“No.”
“…”
“Did you think I said I fucking loved you?”
“Yes”
“Oh, yes, then.”

“Do you do wrapping paper?”
“Yes, is it for a boy or a girl?”
“I was thinking High School Musical”
“Oh, sorry, there’s no High School Musical wrapping paper, just princesses and things”
“Mm, yes that could do fine”
“How old is she?”
“It’s a boy… and he’s 33″
It was fun watching about 104 different expressions fighting for space on her [...]

“This one doesn’t fly very well”
“Try a paper clip on the nose”
“Id stid dubbn’t fly bery web”

Oh yes!

(sorry about the title)
Item 1: A news story about banksy
I like graffiti. I don’t necessarily think we should have more of it, but nor do I think we should have less of it. I would like us to have better graffiti. York’s Sustrans cycleway goes along a disused railway bed and passes [...]

Why do they keep children out of Italian bakers’ shops?
Cos they’re always saying Focaccia.
Sorry.

Maybe it’s time Tescos stopped selling food, if they’re so sick of it.