A pantoum by me, chivvied on by Rachael. [edit: I have taken out a couple of commas which may count as cheating, but they grated too much]
The hillside rolls quickly away
Where it meets the burbling brook
Where a water-rat closes the day
In a dry-rotted, knotted root-crookWhere it meets the burbling brook,
The sunlight, refracted, alights
In a dry-rotted, knotted root-crook
Near a packet of ten Camel LightsThe Sunlight, refracted, alights
On the hand of a boy; see him draw
Near a packet of ten Camel Lights
As a water rat closes its jawOn the hand of a boy; see him draw
Back in horror, away from the place
As a water rat closes its jaw
He turns his bike, wheels to faceBack in horror, away from the place
Where a water rat closes the day
He turns his bike wheels to face
The hillside, rolls quickly away
8 comments so far...
absolutely tip-top knockout
*hands sweavo golden cup for poemming*
*suspects sweavo of swallowing poemming pills*
*swallows anti-poemical-jealousy pills*
that is seriously good.
seriously.
oo thanks! you can come again
* holds poemming cup aloft and begins long speech thanking Rachael, Agent, Gwoahd, etc *
*clapclapclapclap*
Bravo!
Encore!
That is a real bemused-smile-inducing form. I love it.
But did you _have_ to link to a site with teh Comic Sans? :)
Yes, the Pantoum form intrinsically makes a satisfying structure. The challenge for me was to make the repeated lines mean something new each time.
and I pwn ur PEECEE!
I maked it to display ALL TEH COMIC SANS
Yes, I can see how it’s a good idea to work puns in - ie not comedy puns, but double-meaning words and phrases. I’ve just had a quick go myself and it’s harder than it looks!
Seriously good stuff!
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