On the way home tonight I was feeling nice and chilled. I let one person out at every junction I passed and got let out when I didn’t have priority. So chilled, in fact, that when the pedestrian JUST missed the lights at the crossing, I waved him across.

*PARP* from the Ka behind

I did what I always do in these situations: slow down everything I do to half speed.

Half way through getting the car into gear, and before the Ped is out of the way, a second *PARP*

O good thinks I, I get to re-enact a story my folks told me (I think it was my Dad, but since both parents are under the apprehension they make the best lasagne I’ve ever tasted, i’ll have to concede it could’ve been Mum, and I don’t really want to get into the subject. Parental rivalry is a terrible thing)

So I put the car back into neutral, apply the handbrake (*PARP*) remove the seatbelt, get out, walk to the driver in the other car and smile.

“Do I know you?” I say
“There’s a green light! Just Go!” blusters the slightly elderly, liver-spotted man, smoking what I dimly believe to be a woodbine behind the wheel.
“There’s also a pedestrian in the road.” I say, calmly and helpfully, trying to slightly adopt that “So you’re saying it’s fine to poision our children then?” demeanour that mothers seem innately to be so good at.
“Just fucking GOOOO!” He’s almost screaming now. I wonder whether maybe there are Creatures that only he can see hot on his tail and only he can save the world from certain destruction by getting his Ka to the tadcaster road Tescos before them and he can’t tell anyone of the great gravity of his situation or all our SOULS will be SUCKED into OBLIVION… but decide on reflection he’s probably just feeling quite stressed and impatient.

As I return to the car, he pulls out to go around me. As he does so, the pedestrian crossing’s lights go amber. He jumps the red light and I get in the car and buckle up. The lights go green and I pass him 150 yards later as he waits at the next lights for the right filter. I bimble past at 20-25 mph, resisting the urge to wave.

The pedestrian got away unscathed.

I just realised I’m never going to get the full report of my trip to france online, so instead, I will just say a jolly good time was had by all, only three things broke on the car ( 1: the boot hinge, fixed by Poppa Mike at 100 miles; 2: the speedo cable, fixed by downloading a chart of RPM to KPH at Dad’s; and 3: most of the electrics, fixed by jiggling this, wobbling that, re-crimping a connector or two and eventually at the end of the trip, tearing out both glove boxes and having a good rummage.) The net result is: 1) the boot lid it better than when I set off, 2) the turn indicators work properly for the first time since I owned the car and 3) one of the horns is dead and suspected of having blown the fuse that took out the brake lights and indicators…

The convention was on a fairly small site, considering it had the highest attendance of any juggling convention ever recorded: definitely over 4000. I think there were over 4500 but I’m reluctant to be a rumourmonger. The weather was too hot to move most days but the shade was plentiful and the food, the company and the diversions were excellent. Took a bunch of photos and generally hung out. Tried to hold a salsa workshop but it seemed to deeply offend some ecuadorian woman who dived in and more or less took over… ho hum … had some good fun dancing.

On the subject of which, I stupidly left the notebook containing Belkis’ phone number at home and didn’t have her email any more so we never got our trip to Paris :-( if you’re reading this Belkis, I apologize.

Found that my French has not got considerably worse in the 5 years since I’ve used it… but also discovered that it completely deserts me when stuck in france with no fuel, no cash, and 80 minutes to make it 50 miles to the ferry.

Practiced a little Dutch and asked a few key questions: also bought Asterix in Britain in Dutch in Gent (in Belgium) for practice. The lady said “voila, alstublieft” as she gave me my change… Now I can ask for Wild Boar with Mint Sauce or a cup of hot water with a spot of milk, and can say “Crazy guys, the Brits” in Dutch…