Over here, there are millions of slimming products, and weight-loss is a status symbol. Walking around town all the hottest bodies belong to the women in their late 30’s onwards. I figure they’re the ones who can really afford all the supplements, videos, exercise gizmos, personal trainers, wacky foodstuffs etc that are toted all over the 70 cable channels I’ve seen. Everyone over here is bonkers crazy over the Atkins diet, and eliminating Carbs from their intake. You can even get lo-carb burgers where you get lettuce instead of a bun. You still get half a mashed cow and a slab of cheese, mayo, etc…

Since I have been here, I have broken Pete Bradshaw’s First Law of Eating three or four times. For those not familiar with this law, it’s stated below in full:

“Never try to eat anything bigger than your head”

Meals here are huge! I’ve never felt my stomach nudge on my ribcage before, especially not as a result of eating a tortilla wrap. So by adding a few guidelines to Bradshaw’s First Rule I plan to come up with the Carter diet (sorry Pete, I just decided it sounded snappier). In draft form, it goes something like this:

1. When eating out, always throw away 1/3 of what you’ve been given before eating.
2. Check that what you have would fit on an eight-inch plate. If not, throw more away until it does.
3. Never forget Bradshaw’s First Rule

This would instantly solve 50% of obesity problems in this country. Of course there is no guideline saying you must limit yourself to 3 or 4 meals a day, nor that breakfast should not be eggs benedict with hash browns, burgers, steak and a basket of onion rings. The reason for this is Darwin did a lot of hard work setting out the basics of Natural Selection and I don’t want to do anything to counter such good work.