It is a USB optical wheelymouse.

Many of us spend upwards of 6 hours a day trying to convince computers to do our bidding. The odds are stacked against us: the cynical approach of some software companies and the incompetence of others; the unreckonable complexity of the modern computer and all that may not be installed that we require, or may be installed, that conflicts with something else; network-based drives that disappear half way through saving your morning’s work; web pages that try to install language packs or worse when all you want to do is see how big a furlong is; and the variety of form-factors - keyboards, touchpads, montitors.

The last thing you want in the middle of all this is to have to take 6 attempts to point at the thing you want to use. If you’ve ever used a machine at a university or in a public library, you’ll probably know this one: the pointer seems to reach an invisible obstacle on the screen and it doesn’t matter what you do with the mouse you can’t seem to get it to go above a certain location on the screen. This is caused by cruft being picked up by the mouseball and deposited on the rollers inside. The number of times I’ve taken the ball out of a public mouse and scraped this matter off the rollers with the blunt side of a key… But this is not always a practical solution. For example I didn’t dare try it in the library in the picturesque town of Visby, Gotland, Sweden for fear of having to explain in some irate librarian’s second or third language.

The cruft itself probably doesn’t bear thinking about. I’d wager it’s mostly made out of dead cells and sweat deposited by the heel or the many users’ hands, along with dust from the surrounding environment. Eeew.

With an optical mouse, there are no such moving parts. You can use it on carpets or your lap with greater success than one with a ball, and - while the pads on its underside do pick up the cruft, it (a) doesn’t get into the moving parts and (b) is easier to clean off. The product of this is that it is much easier to avoid thinking about dead cells & sweat. Plus your mouse pointer always goes where you want it.

Now, ownership of a better mouse does not help you in all situations. However, a USB plug means you can plug into many machines and they will recognise and configure the mouse within seconds. Whether a desktop windows box, linux box, or a laptop with touchpad or nipplemouse, if it has a USB port, you can play! I expect it’ll be a few years before libraries have modern enough computers for this to be useful there.

Discover the Way of The USB Optical Wheelmouse!

I’m off to the estate agents to see about a cult headquarters now…